Show Me How To Love

“Random Acts of Love”

What is a random act of love?

Any act towards another human being or living thing that is helpful, kind, empathetic, growth oriented or just plain loving. A random act of love is devoid of fear, there is no desire or need for repayment or repercussion, only doing something for another for the help or betterment of them. Though there is typically an amazing side effect that occurs as well, when we give love to another living creature. We feel joy, we feel happiness, we feel good, we feel fulfilled. Saint Francis of Assisi wrote, “for it is in giving that we receive.” Oh how true that statement is. We give love, to receive love. We feel these things because this is human nature at its best, this is our potential, this is humanity being human beings and not animals, this is love and not fear.

How can people do such horrible things?

Again there is no simple and precise answer to the exact reason or reasons behind an individuals horrific actions, unless you can delve into their individual psyche at length, but we do know that the core motivation is definitely fear. Even in those types of scenarios where they describe an individuals horrible acts as a crime of love and passion, that is definitely misrepresented, there is no love in committing a heinous crime. Love does not harm another, and is often misconstrued or used improperly. When fear is allowed to consume and control your every thought and action, with no outside positive influence of love and reality, a human being can unfortunately become the wild untamed animal and take action toward their delusional version of reality which may result in terrible things, all because of fear.

Promote what you love.

Promote what you love, instead of bashing what you hate. It's a pretty simple concept, yet it seems to be quite difficult to do. From social media, to politics and yes, even religion. We bash and sling hate from the individual level all the way up to a race of people, a religious group, or a political party. From our beliefs that differ to our opinions that differ. We utilize negative means to attempt to further place a poor view on the others. I am right and you are wrong... (Sound familiar? It should, it's EGO.) What does hate do? It spreads, breeds and feeds further hate and negativity. Hate and negativity are a disease, they are a cancer of the mind. The only cure for hate is positivity and love, backed by compassion, forgiveness, understanding and growth by all parties involved. If there is a real issue, if people are being harmed, then yes we must take action. But that action should be in the form of constructive growth, not further hatred for one another via negative propaganda and smear tactics. We do not change the world with hate. We do not change the world by bashing others. We do not change the world with anger. We do not change the world with the large majority of the media creating, feeding and spreading fear laced with hate. So how do we change this? How do we fix this? First you start, then another, and another, and on and on... It begins spreading like a cure. What is it? It is you, then we and us, and more and more. Changing ourselves first, then influencing others in a positive manner. We change this and fix this by refusing to read the negativity, by refusing to watch the negativity and by stopping the spread of it. We become the cure by not feeding the flame. We become the cure by not enabling the cancer to spread. We become the cure by promoting what we love and discussing intelligently what our opinions and beliefs differ upon. You want the world to change? Then you change first and the world will follow.

A smile is “I love You” with no words.

The easiest most powerful way to change your attitude or brighten someone’s day is to smile. A smile has an almost magical connection.  You can actually feel it deep inside when you smile and someone else smiles back at you. That’s the positive, overwhelming connection created when a smile is exchanged. What is a smile? A burst of positive energy? The use of certain facial muscles to create a positive look? The dictionary says:  to assume a facial expression indicating pleasure, favor, or amusement.  Some say it takes 22 muscles to smile, some say it takes 17. Whatever the number, for some reason it is still difficult for people to do, and of course there could be a multitude of reasons why. Difficult or not, smiling or learning to smile for some, can be therapeutic and stress relieving. Take notice around you of who smiles and who doesn’t, it speaks much about a person. Just because a person is an avid smiler doesn’t mean their life is perfect, but it does mean they enjoy sharing happiness with others. The avid smiler may be having a very difficult day, but you’ll still see them smile at you or others because they know the power it gives. I believe a smile is your ability to control any moment, to change any attitude, to fill any room with happiness. A smile is the simplest solution, to our toughest days. Even in your darkest moment, a smile can bring sunshine through the clouds. If you’ve never experienced the powerful control of a smile, try it sometime, be an avid smiler.  Make eye contact with someone who appears to need a smile and then let them have it. What a great feeling! What are the possibilities of a smile in our world today? When you do some research about people who are depressed, commit suicide or commit horrible acts, a commonality between all of them is the feeling of a disconnect from society, a feeling that no one cares or no one feels what they are feeling, no one will even acknowledge them or smile at them, so of course no one cares. So what are the possibilities of a smile in our world today? Can a smile make a difference? Can a smile change the world? Of course it can, but we need to flood the market with smiles. Billions of smiles a day, and keep them coming. A smile can also be defined as a random act of love. Any time you come in contact with a person, whether just in passing or a conversation, you have the opportunity to share love and create a positive connection with just a simple smile. Who knows what that smile and positive connection created, and it’s quite amazing how people notice and are effected. What are the possibilities of a smile and a random act of love?

Why is it so hard to forgive?

There is a process that can enable us to forgive much easier. Prepared Forgiveness is a life-changing concept, that can free you from a mass of negative emotions and behaviors created by fear, caused through holding that negative experience and pain, not releasing it, and allowing that person and/or incident to continue to harm you. I woke early one morning on the road in a hotel and a documentary was on television. It was called “Still Bill” a documentary on Bill Withers, the gentleman that wrote and sang “Lean on Me”, “Ain’t no Sunshine” and many more songs. At the time I didn’t know much about Mr. Withers but on into the documentary I realized he’s lived a pretty interesting life. At one point he is talking to a group of children and explaining to them about prepared forgiveness. This really caught my attention because I had never really thought about forgiveness in this manner. You see when Bill was a child he stuttered severely, and as you can imagine peoples reactions to a child that stutters can sometimes be cruel. The children he was speaking to also have the speech disorder. So he begins to explain to these children the concept of prepared forgiveness and I was floored. You know as a child that you have a speech disorder; you know that some people will act funny or cruel to you because of the disorder. So in turn, I’m going to forgive you before you even treat me badly. By doing this you completely changed the situation, you now know what may happen and you’re prepared for it and have already dealt with it and forgiven this person, before it happens. This enables you as a child or person to not get upset or react to things, you now are truly prepared for the worse, but expect the best, either way, you’re fine. This puts you completely in control of the situation, because it is within your power not to allow someone to harm you with his or her words. What a profound concept for a child with a speech disability to grasp, learn and put into action. What a profound concept for anyone to grasp, learn and put into action. So let’s think about this concept. From today forward I am going to pre-forgive everyone that will ever do wrong or harm to me. That can be a tough concept to grasp and to be honest, for many, unachievable. To forgive and move on is a difficult task in itself even after the event, when you have had time to deal and cope. Forgiveness for many can sometimes take years or a lifetime. Prepared Forgiveness eliminates all those years of pain, anger, suffering and hate, which of course, can create not the happiest of people. This type of forgiveness is not just a choice; it’s a way of life. To live life without allowing others to control you and cause you pain. Because if you haven’t figured it out yet, holding on to a grudge or bad thing someone has done to you, is allowing them to still have influence and control over your life. To forgive the person, gives you back control and enables you to move forward and grow. This is not an easy task, but can you see the ramifications if we truly believed in the concept of prepared forgiveness. Keep in mind this is not insinuating that we should not punish people for crimes and poor behavior. What it is saying is for those people who have been treated poorly or crimes committed against, in order for you to truly be free of that event, learn from the experience and move on, you must forgive. And being prepared to do so ahead of time can give life a whole different meaning. Prepared Forgiveness is love on steroids.

How do i control my fears?

There is no simple or perfect answer to this question, we all vary, we all have different nuture and nature upbringings that can effect this, but there are many techniques to begin the process. Start with understanding, start with research into what fear is and what fear is doing to you, what fear causes in us and why. Also, read through the “Discover” section. Just some simple basic knowledge of what truly is going on in your head can elevate your ability to control and begin to gain mastery of fear. Recognizing that fear is typically our ring leader, can be controlled and power shifted towards love is a huge step forward. Refer to the “Elevate” section as well, this is a clear path to gaining control of your life through discipline of the mind.

How do I love someone who openly says they hate?

Fear complicates things and creates barriers, problems, issues, etc. Love simplifies and tears down those barriers. When we understand what we are and what we aren’t, when we begin controlling fear in our own minds, it is much easier to comprehend the notion of loving someone because they are a human being or living thing, despite the fact that fear and ego has manipulated them into believing some false truth that is harmful not only to others, but also to themselves. Someone who hates others, is only representing the way they feel about themselves. You can not hate another without first hating yourself. When we open our eyes to the problems that fear creates inside of us, the mirror can become our greatest equalizer and the ability to understand what is truly happening. Loving those who hate us or others is a difficult task, but it is the ultimate gift of love. It is the only path to turn that hate into love. Hate does not give rise to love, hate does not make the world a better place, hate only creates more fear. Recognize that fear does not give you a choice, fear takes love out of the equation. Fear is easy, fear is weak, anyone and anything can fear. Love is difficult, love is strong, only those powerful in love can continue to love in a world filled with fear.

Examples of Random Acts of love?

Stopping your car and helping a turtle cross the road. Holding the door for someone. Saying thank you. Smiling. Being polite. Offering to help with someone’s payment at the grocery store if they’re short. Being patient with people. Telling someone they look beautiful. Pulling up to a drive thru window and telling the lady in the window that she has a beautiful smile. Making eye contact and smiling at someone while walking by. Telling a friend in need you love them and will help anyway you can. Saying I Love You often, including to yourself. A hug, multiple hugs, a long hug, a firm hug, a gentle hug. A pat on the back and a “Great Job”.

Here’s a quick story about a random act of love. My kids and I were at the mall and they wanted to jump at the bungee place, you know the one where they strap in the kids and they bounce up and down. We paid and my oldest two went in, got strapped in and started bouncing. As I observed the kids laughing, smiling and having a great time, I also noticed the girl who took our money and was working there with the kids. She was young, probably 18ish, and had the saddest look on her face. As I watched her I realized she was making everyone who jumped on the bungee laugh, smile and have a great time, but she never made eye contact nor did she smile even a little. It was quite apparent she wasn’t happy, so as the kids finished up and she began unstrapping them, I walked up. The kids came out and I handed them a $10 dollar bill and said go back in, look her in the eyes, smile, say thank you and give her this. The kids of course did, she at first looked confused and as I stepped up to her she looked at me and I said to her with a big smile, “you make everyone here smile, this one’s for you.” It was like a burst of positive energy shot into her, she smiled quite large and her eyes lit up. She was obviously surprised and very thankful. I hope that random act of love brightened her day or at least just a moment. Funny thing was as we turned and walked off, the older gentlemen in line with his grandson noticed what happened, he also smiled at us and made a nod of acknowledgement. You never know what a random act of love can or will do. We must never be afraid to offer them freely.

Say the words.

There is one thing for sure that all of us have in common. We want to be appreciated and feel loved. Want to brighten someone's day? Tell your spouse, significant other, best friend, mother, father, son, daughter, mother-in-law, father-in-law, pal, buddy, etc., how much you love and appreciate them. Though for some it's easy to say words of love and appreciation, for most of us it’s a bit difficult and typically not on our list of a thousand things to do. And oh, by the way, why would I do something like this for them if they haven’t done this for me? Of course, the prior statement is self centered, negative and mildly egotistical. So why would I do this for them? Answer, because they need it and deserve it, and apparently so do you. When you send or give something like this to another: 1. I assure you, they needed it and 2. They will reciprocate with a return message of similar love and appreciation. And also, the simple act of saying the words will make you feel better. We’re all just too darn busy to appreciate the people around us that need it the most, so someone needs to take the lead. And that someone needs to be you. Don’t hesitate just do it, be that person, say the words. If you have difficulty with saying the words, write them. Sit down and take the time to write a very nice, polite, complimentary, loving, caring, positive email or letter. Read through it multiple times before sending it to ensure it conveys your message. Also, there’s two ways to send this message. You can email it and wait patiently for a response or you can print out the letter and read it to the person.  Obviously, reading it to them will be more powerful than the email, but still the email will work. The point is the positive message to a loved one, who needed to hear it. This can be a powerful way to strengthen and build your relationships. Communication about certain things get put off and forgotten, but certain things need to be said and heard. Say the words, write the email and send it, or print and read the letter. Either way, everybody wants to be appreciated and loved, especially the ones that mean the most to us. I Love You and I Appreciate You!! See… that wasn’t so hard. Say the words!! “I LOVE YOU”!!

stop allowing our fear first world to influence your #lovefirstworld.

Unfortunately, sometimes without even us knowing, the negative influence from our societies can begin to have effects on us and drain our positive energy. No matter how hard we try that negative cloud creeps in over us and tries to rain down. Whether it’s television, politics, schools, jobs, the economy, criminals or just plain old annoying people, the world can suck the positive energy right out of you. The world is full of negativity and sometimes evil, unfortunate behaviors that are mostly fed by fear and lack of understanding. We must keep a diligent eye around us, always looking forward, always nurturing growth, always learning from our past, and always keeping a positive vision towards our future. The world is a vampire, but only if we allow it to be. The world is also our greatest hope. We can make a difference, we can influence, we can change, but we must open our eyes and open our minds. It starts with you.

Easy vs. hard.

The easy button, quick fix, instant gratification, can define much of our world today. Taking the easy road as we all know may not always be the best path. So let’s think about easy versus hard in the realm of positive and negative behaviors. The Easy Road: be angry, be sad, feel sorry for yourself, blame others, quit, make excuses, belittle others, spread hate. The easy road is typically the first reaction of many to dealing with any issues, problems or decisions in our lives. It’s obviously much harder and actually takes some effort to take the other road. The Hard Road:  be happy, get over it, forgive, take responsibility, take action, growth, praise, encourage others and spread love. The harder path in this case is the more productive, positive route. Unfortunately for the easy button lovers the harder path requires control, confidence and a positive outlook. The easy path requires fear, ego, self-doubt, misunderstanding and a multitude of other negative factors. The road you choose speaks volumes of yourself. It’s not easy to be happy, loving and understanding. If it were we’d all be there. But it is the path we should always aspire to travel. A favorite quote of mine is by Khalil Gibran, “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls. The most massive characters are seared with scars.” Our struggles and hard roads we travel in our journey through life, promote growth, learning and understanding. We choose the road and our path every day. Happiness and love take effort and focus. The Hard Road is never easy, but it is and should be our chosen path. The interesting thing is we shouldn't even call it the hard road in the first place. It should be the only road, the only choice. It's called self-control and self mastery of fear.

Give it, live it, post it, share it, show it, feel it, be it.

You guessed it, you must infuse your life with love. You must accept the fact that many will not get it, understand it, or possibly even appreciate it. In fact, some may lash out at you and your reaction should and always be love. Trust me people will think you’re crazy, a hippie, a weirdo, or whatever their fear ridden ego wants to sling at you. But you must fight. Not the other person, but your urge to react negatively. Fight back with forgiveness and love. Fight back with kindness and respect. Fight back with “I Love You”. Unleash your entire arsenal of love and remember, the goal is not to be right or wrong, the goal is understanding and growth achieved with love.